As I write this, i'm sitting in some of my closest friends' house, listening to them work on their DJ set, and I couldn't be happier. I feel like I finally got a break. I watched netflix all day. I literally binged an entire 10 episode season of Never Have I Ever, which I highly recommend.
And now I just get to exist in the same space as my friends. I love body doubling. I love my friends so much, I'm so lucky.
So what all has been new in my life? Oh man, so much.
I decided to stay in LA another year, so I got a studio on my own. Riley stayed in the studio with me for 1.5 months which wasn't bad, but also wasn't the most comfy. He left to live in the Philippines for the foreseeable future, and is really happy there. He even got a kitten! We're still together and more in love than ever!
Then I decided, right after locking myself into a $1,700/month lease, that I wanted to spend a good chunk of the summer in Montana. So I packed up my cat and myself and trekked from LA to MT, on a nice 20 hour drive, and arrived July 13th. Im planning on being there through September, possibly longer. We'll see how long I tolerate living on my parents property lol
The reason I wanted to go to MT was mainly to spend time with my mom
I just went through two breakups which kind of sucked, an unfortunate part of being poly for sure. Two breakups, twice the anxiety and pain. But they both went very smoothly and I'm still friends with both of them, so for that, I'm grateful.
I went to Shambhala Music Festival and had the time of my life. I reconnected with my friends, who I love so dearly. It really was a pick me up that I needed. Music festivals are such a beautiful thing and are one of the few places I feel truly alive and happy. I miss performing so much and I really hope to get back into it soon.
To be completely honest, outside of the festival, I just haven't been feeling like myself. I feel numb, and feel actually very little emotion in general. I don't know if it's because of my meds, or if it would be much worse without my meds. It's frustrating that I don't know which it is. I rarely do yoga or meditate any more. I hoop once in a while, but not like I used to. I just feel so disconnected from the things that make me, me.
I'm trying to find my way back to myself, but I appreciate everyone who's been patient with me during this time in my life. It hasn't been easy. Our world feels like it's literally burning down and it makes it hard to find purpose in being alive.
BUT, I'm so grateful I took this trip to Seattle, because even though I just saw my friends two weeks ago, I missed them so much already, and it's been wonderful getting to spend time with all of them. My friends mean the world to me.
Once I get back to Montana, I'm actually heading to another music festival, Bass Canyon, with my rave bae Kate. It's going to be HOT (like 103 degrees) but it'll be a blast. I'm constantly overwhelmed with gratitude for the friends in my life.
Other than that, I'm still in therapy, still working on myself and trying to get better. Just trying me best every day.
Trying to debate if I should be more active on my actual blog again or not. I really love writing, I just feel so uninspired lately, It makes me sad, but I don't know how to change it.
So if you enjoy my blog, let me know. And if you have anything you'd like me to write about, please also let me know ❤️
Sending you all my love, thank you for reading!
Me-owt ✌🏻