I'm having a big struggle day.
The last two days were so nice! I felt like I had finally started to settle into CR and feel comfortable and at home. I went on bike rides for fun, did my favorite yoga and breathwork practices, hooped, went to the beach, played games and ate yummy food. I was feeling so good!
Then I woke up this morning, and that's where everything went wrong.
I'm currently hunched over on the floor, drenched in sweat, grumpy as heck, typing this. Let me explain how I got here.
When I woke up, I woke up from a stress dream that I don't even want to repeat. Also was feeling super tired and grumpy in general. SOOOOO I decided it would be the perfect day to do a 'a day in my life' YouTube video????? why. why did I think that was the move. It wasn't.
After I got my morning routine done and filmed, I try to continue to record, to find out that my phone doesn't have enough storage space. THE REASON this is, is because my wifi is SO BAD that my photos and videos won't back up to the cloud, leaving me with no space. So I literally just can't flim anymore, unless I bike to town and buy good wifi.
I will then leave out the brain thing my brain did, where I COULD NOT for the life of me, make a plan for my day. But just know it took about 30 minutes of my morning and ended in tears.
My neighbor was outside my place so I ran out to say hi, not thinking we'd talk long. 10 minutes later IM COVERED in mosquito bites, 11 to be exact. This made me lose all of my spoons (a term I use to explain my emotional energy for the day). I went back inside, treated all my bites, called Riley and cried some more. Just notttt having it today.
Finally decided to just delete all the videos I took and start work an hour later than I had intended.
All of my decision making spoons were gone, so when it came time to decide what to eat for my first meal of the day at 1pm, I cried again.
Made myself some ramen with eggs and veggies, because I didn't know what else to do. Even though it's a super hot day. I was overheating while I ate it, so I grabbed my hand fan out to start cooling myself down. It smelt weird, so I looked closer. MOLD. COOL. CRYING.
Mold grows sooooo easily here. I have to wipe my passport down with vinegar every 3 days because it just keeps growing more mold. Its one of the hardest things about being here.
SO I WENT CRAZY
I took everything out of my hutch (where I keep basically everything from my clothes to my journals, computer and electronics) ((also where I found my molding fan))
I smelled every piece of clothing and pulled out any piece that smelt bad. I was going to wait until thursday (my laundry day, given it doesn't rain) to do it all, but I decided to take as much stress off of my plate today. So after I wiped the whole hutch down with vinegar and left it open to dry, I went to the laundromat. I knew there was one right down the road that was cheap, but I'd been trying to save as much money as possible, and do everything the hard way here, as if to make myself really rough it out? As if I don't already do that everyday existing here?
It was a giant grocery bag of laundry, about 5 pounds. It cost $8 and they'll have it done tomorrow. As long as everything comes back smelling good and clean, that's seriously such a steal, and a huge stress off my back, I might be totally fine paying $40 a month to have my laundry done for me.
So then that brings me back to where I am now. Maybe the tiniest bit less stressed, but still stressed nonetheless. Sitting on my floor, because my bed and table are holding everything that was in the hutch, trying so hard not to be grumpy, but failing.
A reminder that we have no control over the things that happen to us. The jungle really teaches us that. Mold, bugs and heat. All a part of life here, no way to avoid it.
Will report back tomorrow, hopefully in a better mood.