So we all have heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. Excuse my language, but who the hell came up with that???
There have been so many childhood sayings, that have been drilled into our heads at such a young age. I look at them now and see how damaging so many of them are. This is a big one.
I’ve been reading, for the second time I might add, ‘Daring Greatly’ by Brene Brown. Seriously an incredible book and let me tell you, it hits just as hard the second time! Therefore, my focus as of late has been on vulnerability and shame. I noticed my connections with people I’ve know for years were surface level and that left me feeling empty.
I have been left wondering how I got to this point. The point where I pretend to be someone that I’m not to maintain professionalism, in the form of pretending my life is perfect and I don’t have mental suffering. The phrase I named this article popped into my mind’s eye and B L I N D E D me. Wow. How have I not noticed this before?
No wonder we struggle with being vulnerable with others, especially when what we want to be vulnerable about is our current struggles. We’ve been told from a young age, physical pain is real, emotional pain is not.
We’ve been told to not let words hurt us. To be strong. Build those walls up nice and high. Sure, people can still throw sticks and stones over the wall and hit us, and that probably would really hurt. But we cannot hear through a wall. The bigger, the better right? Make it soundproof while you’re at it!
Absolutely not?! When we build these giant walls, so that we can’t hear and feel the metaphysical hurt, we also cut ourselves off from the positivity. We can’t connect with those we want to trust in a loving way. It will stay surface level and always feel like somethings missing, or maybe even make us feel like we aren’t enough.
So why on earth are we telling kids, words don’t hurt? We are literally telling them, “Hey don’t feel your emotions, you’ll look stronger and hurt less”.
Instead, let’s teach our kids how to be vulnerable at the right time, with the right people. Blasting your feelings to your whole Facebook page is not being vulnerable. Opening up to a client you’ve worked very closely with for, for four years, is.
Teach them we don’t have to pretend to not hurt in order to be ‘professional’ or maintain a certain look. Vulnerability is a good look when we use it to find support to heal and space to grow.
Next time you hear or think of a familiar childhood saying, stop and really think about the message it’s relaying. Think of the lasting repercussions it can have in a young forming mind.
If we want a world full of more peace and kindness, we need to become more present in the way we are raising our children.
Listen to the words you speak; they have more impact than you might realize.